Today is International Coming Out Day, and I have a lot of thoughts on the topic.
I've had a hard time recently identifying with "queer". There was a time when this term meant so much to me, but, recently, I've felt alienated from this idea. My sexuality really isn't all that queer. It's really, really gendered. I prefer men. I really like many genderqueer folk, as well, but my desire for women is negligible. If I were a woman, I'd probably identify as hetero-flexible. But I'm not a woman. And, although I definitely see myself as primarily male, my feelings for other men are very... straight. That might have to do with my rearing, because I was always taught that desire for men is normal, while desire for women is unnatural, queer, and atypical. However, mostly, I think it has to do with the fact that no one has yet called my feelings for men "queer". When I transition, I won't have a choice. My relationships and desires for men will be seen as different, not as normal. Thus, it occurred to me that the reason I no longer identify as "queer" is because I don't see it as a self-identity, but a label imposed to me by others. My sexuality isn't queer, they made it queer.
I've had similar qualms recently with the term "genderqueer". I really don't think there's anything all that queer about my gender. I am not a woman, and I really am not that much of a man. I am non-binary, but someone else decided that was "genderqueer".
More and more, I've been identifying with the term "trans". I like it because I feel it describes more so my experience than my identity. My gender identity is different than the gender I was assigned at birth; my sex identity is different than the sex I was assigned at birth; I am trans. I also really identify with transition, although I am really early in this process, and I don't actually know how far it will actually go and in which direction.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Bisexuality and the Erasure of Non-Binary Genders
In popular discourse, we seldom see past a trinary of sexual orientations – heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. Although this trinary is significantly better than a mononormative binary (the belief that all people are attracted to only one gender, and are thus either homosexual and heterosexual) and heteronormativity (the belief that all people are heterosexual), it’s still highly problematic, as it contributes to the erasure of non-binary people (people who do not identify as fully man or fully woman, but rather as genderqueer, gender fluid, bigender, neutrois, or a number of other gender identities). Non-binary people are marginalized and invisible in our binary-normative society, and it’s important for people who stand in solidarity with their concerns to battle this erasure by questioning bisexuality.
Bisexuality is problematic when it’s used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities, and when it’s adopted by non-bisexual multisexual binary gendered folk out of convenience.
Bisexuality as an Umbrella Term
Bisexual is often used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identies. For example, the queer community is traditionally described by the acronym “LGBT” (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender), erasing the existence of folk that are neither monosexual nor bi. Bisexual events and organizations such as Celebrate Bisexuality Day, The American Institute of Bisexuality, BiFocus exist, while, to my knowledge, there are no equivalents for multisexual folk (in fact, I can't even find any similar events specifically for pansexual people, although pansexual is probably the most common multisexual identity after bisexual). Due to this invisibility, gay, straight, or bi are typically the only options easily accessible to those learning about the spectrum of sexualities or exploring their own sexual orientation, greatly limiting the options and the understanding of these folk. Few people will ever be exposed to other identities unless they go out of their way to learn about the issues and language of queer sexuality, or happen to run into a non-monosexual person who does not identify as bi. This use of bisexual as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities continues to encourage the erasure of non-binary individuals.
Advocate for bisexual as a legitimate umbrella term for non-monosexual identities claim that it does not really erase non-binary individuals. Some say, for instance, that it describes people who are attracted to both of the two sexes. However, such a justification is problematic on several fronts: (1) it denies the existence of bodies that do not conform to the constructed concepts of "male" and "female" either because of intersex conditions or because of medical intervention; (2) it denies the existence of people with non-binary sex identities/body genders; and (3) it is cissexist because it promotes a focus on the appearance of someone's genitals, thus promoting biological essentialism. Others argue that bisexual is an appropriate umbrella term because it expresses an interest in men, women, and any combination thereof, or that it indicates an interest in anyone in either of the two broad gender categories. However, many non-binary individuals don't identify on this continuum, and are thus erased by these concepts. Still others may argue that bisexual suits them better than other identities, such as, for instance, "pansexual", because there is a discreet difference in how they experience attraction to different genders. This is problematic on two fronts: first of all, some pansexual people feel the same way, and it's problematic to assume to pansexual person feels this way; secondly, bisexual is not a good alternative, because it implies that there are two different genders and two different ways to experience attraction. Additionally (see link above), some argue that "bisexual" suits them because society perceives their relationships as either "gay" or "straight". However, allowing society to label our experiences just further promotes the erasure of non-binary genders. Others may say that their "bisexual" identity indicates that they are attracted to the extremes of masculinity and femininity. This implies, however, that ultrafeminine or ultramasculine folk have some uniformity of gender identity, and conflates presentation with identity. None of these justifications hold up, and it’s completely impossible to use bisexual as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities without, in one way or another, categorizing people into two opposite gender and/or sex categories, thus erasing anyone who does not fit into the gender binary.
Bisexual Convenience
One reason multisexual people who are not bisexual may choose identify as "bisexual" is because it's the most convenient and/or the only available identity to use. For example, because I have no other option, I am listed as "bisexual" on several social-networking websites, although I identify very strongly as pansexual. Also, I occasionally tell people that I am "bi" (or, more often, I respond along the lines of "yeah, sorta" to their inquiry). In these situations, I walk a fine line between self-preservation and cisgenderism. On one hand, I don't feel comfortable talking about the details of my identity with people who are unlikely to understand anything beyond gay, straight, or bi, especially when I am with people who are uninformed about queer issues, and may already intentionally or unintentionally be projecting heterosexist attitudes and assumptions onto me. Other times, I worry that the people I am speaking to may be intentionally or unintentionally cissexist and/or cisgenederist, and thus they might make assumptions about myself and my partners when I explain that I am attracted to people other than men and women; specifically, I worry that they may not understand the concept of identifying as a gender other than man and woman, and may instead misinterpret me as third-gendering binary trans individuals (especially since I’ve had binary-gendered trans partners). Other people just want to be understood: explaining non-binary gender identities and sexualities other than gay, straight, or bi can be excruciatingly difficult in an uninformed hetero-, cis-, and binary-normative culture, and it is unfair to posit any queer individual as responsible for educating non-queer people about queer issues. On the other hand, I fear that by telling others that I am bisexual rather than explaining the existence of non-binary genders, I am contributing to the erasure of people with non-binary genders in our society. Conveniently identifying as bisexual is a binary-gender privilege, and it’s easy for someone who identifies fully or primarily as man or woman, but impossible for a non-binary person to do without erasing their own existence.
The best solution is to find a balance between adopting bisexuality for convenience and explaining other multisexual identities to others. Thus, I insist on identifying as pansexual to people who I know will understand, even if it takes some additional explaining; when speaking to fellow queers, I always articulate that I am in no way bisexual, but pansexual or queer; whenever discussions about my identity and sexuality arise, whether with close friends or mere acquaintances, I explain pansexuality and non-binary gender identities; I take the time to explain these things to anyone who asks questions and/or seems curious about sexualities; and I make sure all my close friends, whether queer or hetero, understand that, although I am multisexual, I am not bi. However, I will adopt bisexuality when coming-out to acquaintances or casual friends who are unwilling to take the time to consider these concepts or simply don’t care to rethink the binary gender system or to really listen to what I am saying. In many ways, this isn’t so much for convenience as it is for comfort and even safety. Although multisexual people, especially multisexual people who do not identify as bi, are very marginalized in our society, they don’t face nearly the amount of oppression as non-binary gendered people. Thus, it frustrates me when people consistently identify as bisexual simply out of convenience, or when people continue to identify as bisexual even after being made aware of non-binary identities because they are unwilling to take the time to reconsider the language they use.
The best way to combat the erasure of non-binary identities promoted by the term “bisexual” is to adopt an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities.
Umbrella Term for Non-Monosexual Identities
There is a strong need for an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities. Bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, anthrosexual, pomosexual, queer, fluid, etc. people often face similar forms of discrimination both from the mainstream heterosexual culture and from within the queer community. However, people who are multisexual but not bisexual are often erased from the movement. This is especially true for non-binary multisexual people, who are unable to casually identify as bisexual without erasing their own identity, or individuals who are in relationships with or who have had relationships with non-binary folk or experience(d) attraction to non-binary folk. The use of “bisexual” as an umbrella term prevents these individuals from reaching out to their community, divides multisexual people, and promotes the erasure of non-binary gender identities both outside of and within the queer community.
All multisexual people experience both heterosexism and monosexism. Heterosexism is the belief that heterosexual identities are superior to queer sexualities. All queer folk are subject to heterosexism. Monosexism is the belief that monosexual orientations are superior to non-monosexual identities, and this form of discrimination is unique to multisexual people, and not monosexual (ie gay and/or lesbian) queer folk. Monosexism promotes the view that people with multisexual identities are confused or undecided, that their identity is invalid or "just a trend", that multisexual orientations don't really exist, that multisexual people are promiscuous, as well as a number of other stereotypes and misconceptions, and it leads to the refusal or hesitance of gay, lesbian, and straight folk from partnering with non-monosexual people. Many people call these forms of discrimination "biphobia". However, the term "biphobia" erases the existence of non-monosexual folk who are not bisexual and thus ignores the oppression and marginalization these people might face.
“Multisexual” should be used more often as an umbrella that unites all people who face monosexism. If this term were to become more mainstream, it would help combat the erasure of non-binary gender identities. I encourage all multisexual people and their allies to embrace this term: identify as "multisexual" to others, express solidarity with other multisexual folk, especially if you’re both multisexual, and use the term "multisexual" and "monosexism" in place of "bisexual" and "biphobia" (except in discussions pertaining specifically to bisexuality).
Edit: At the time that I wrote this post, I chose to promote the term "multisexual" because the term "polysexual" is often conflated with "polyamorous". However, since then, I've found that "polysexual" is actually a frequently used term among certain communities, and thus may be preferable to "multisexual" as an umbrella term. The two can also be interchangeable.
A few more thoughts...
Bisexuality Does Exist
I must clarify that bisexuality does not inherently discriminate against non-binary gender identities. Many people are, in reality, bisexual if they are attracted to binary-identified men and women, and not non-binary individuals. This is perfectly acceptable for those people that have thought it over and determined that this truly is their sexuality. There is nothing wrong with preferring binary to non-binary individuals (just as there is nothing wrong with preferring non-binary to binary individuals) as long as (1) the existence and legitimacy of non-binary gender identities is not ignored or questioned by the bisexual person, as this would be cisgenderism; (2) this person does not discriminate against binary trans people as potential partners, as this would be transphobia; and (3) this person does not “classify” sex partners based on birth sex assignment or genital configuration, as this would be cissexism. True bisexual individuals should carefully and fully consider all these things before completely embracing the identity. Another reason someone may identify as "bisexual" is because they are unfamiliar with the existence of gender identities other than "man" and "woman". Although it's highly concerning that the existence of non-binary individuals is invisible in our society, it's impossible to criticize the bisexual individual in question, because they never had any reason to rethink their identity. "Bisexual" is only problematic when it is used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities, and when it's adopted by non-monosexual binary-identified people that are not actually bisexual.
Edit: Since writing this post, I read a very good article that says that the identity "bisexual" can also apply to people who are attracted to two genders, such as "women and agender folk". While this is technically and linguistically true, I disagree that this term can actually be used in practice, because it will continue to be attributed to "men and women" sexualities, and thus will continue promoting the erasure of non-binary folk.
Just as bisexuality exists, so does biphobia. However, biphobia is a very specific form of discrimination faced by bisexual people (not other monosexual people). For example, someone recently told a friend of mine, who identifies very strongly as bisexual, "Don't you mean pansexual? Isn't that more politically correct?" This statement specifically discriminated against people who are bisexual, erasing the possibility that these people exist and putting into question the validity of their identity. I’ve noticed a trend among non-binary folk of hostility and rejection of bisexual people. Because non-binary people are a highly oppressed group, I think their caution is justified. However, I do ask that these people remain open to the existence of legitimate bisexuality, and treat bisexual people with respect.
What About Monosexual Identities?
One argument I’ve heard in response to my criticism of bisexuality goes something like “But don’t identities like ‘gay’ erase non-binary (and many binary) folk as well?” By saying that bisexuality erases non-binary gender identities, I am not putting individual identities in question. As I just discusses, I know bisexuality exists - and I know that monosexuality exists as well. Even monosexual people who do or have experienced attraction to or partner(ed) with someone with a gender other than the one they prefer may find value in identifying as gay, straight, or lesbian. Even monosexual people who may also identify as heteroflexible, homoflexible, fluid, or queer may find value in identifying as gay, straight, or lesbian. Individuals primarily attracted to a single gender, especially homosexual folk, find value in an identity and a community with similar experiences. The “bisexual” identity does not create the same type of community, however, and instead isolates non-bisexual multisexual people from the movement.
Bisexuality is problematic when it’s used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities, and when it’s adopted by non-bisexual multisexual binary gendered folk out of convenience.
Bisexuality as an Umbrella Term
Bisexual is often used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identies. For example, the queer community is traditionally described by the acronym “LGBT” (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender), erasing the existence of folk that are neither monosexual nor bi. Bisexual events and organizations such as Celebrate Bisexuality Day, The American Institute of Bisexuality, BiFocus exist, while, to my knowledge, there are no equivalents for multisexual folk (in fact, I can't even find any similar events specifically for pansexual people, although pansexual is probably the most common multisexual identity after bisexual). Due to this invisibility, gay, straight, or bi are typically the only options easily accessible to those learning about the spectrum of sexualities or exploring their own sexual orientation, greatly limiting the options and the understanding of these folk. Few people will ever be exposed to other identities unless they go out of their way to learn about the issues and language of queer sexuality, or happen to run into a non-monosexual person who does not identify as bi. This use of bisexual as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities continues to encourage the erasure of non-binary individuals.
Advocate for bisexual as a legitimate umbrella term for non-monosexual identities claim that it does not really erase non-binary individuals. Some say, for instance, that it describes people who are attracted to both of the two sexes. However, such a justification is problematic on several fronts: (1) it denies the existence of bodies that do not conform to the constructed concepts of "male" and "female" either because of intersex conditions or because of medical intervention; (2) it denies the existence of people with non-binary sex identities/body genders; and (3) it is cissexist because it promotes a focus on the appearance of someone's genitals, thus promoting biological essentialism. Others argue that bisexual is an appropriate umbrella term because it expresses an interest in men, women, and any combination thereof, or that it indicates an interest in anyone in either of the two broad gender categories. However, many non-binary individuals don't identify on this continuum, and are thus erased by these concepts. Still others may argue that bisexual suits them better than other identities, such as, for instance, "pansexual", because there is a discreet difference in how they experience attraction to different genders. This is problematic on two fronts: first of all, some pansexual people feel the same way, and it's problematic to assume to pansexual person feels this way; secondly, bisexual is not a good alternative, because it implies that there are two different genders and two different ways to experience attraction. Additionally (see link above), some argue that "bisexual" suits them because society perceives their relationships as either "gay" or "straight". However, allowing society to label our experiences just further promotes the erasure of non-binary genders. Others may say that their "bisexual" identity indicates that they are attracted to the extremes of masculinity and femininity. This implies, however, that ultrafeminine or ultramasculine folk have some uniformity of gender identity, and conflates presentation with identity. None of these justifications hold up, and it’s completely impossible to use bisexual as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities without, in one way or another, categorizing people into two opposite gender and/or sex categories, thus erasing anyone who does not fit into the gender binary.
Bisexual Convenience
One reason multisexual people who are not bisexual may choose identify as "bisexual" is because it's the most convenient and/or the only available identity to use. For example, because I have no other option, I am listed as "bisexual" on several social-networking websites, although I identify very strongly as pansexual. Also, I occasionally tell people that I am "bi" (or, more often, I respond along the lines of "yeah, sorta" to their inquiry). In these situations, I walk a fine line between self-preservation and cisgenderism. On one hand, I don't feel comfortable talking about the details of my identity with people who are unlikely to understand anything beyond gay, straight, or bi, especially when I am with people who are uninformed about queer issues, and may already intentionally or unintentionally be projecting heterosexist attitudes and assumptions onto me. Other times, I worry that the people I am speaking to may be intentionally or unintentionally cissexist and/or cisgenederist, and thus they might make assumptions about myself and my partners when I explain that I am attracted to people other than men and women; specifically, I worry that they may not understand the concept of identifying as a gender other than man and woman, and may instead misinterpret me as third-gendering binary trans individuals (especially since I’ve had binary-gendered trans partners). Other people just want to be understood: explaining non-binary gender identities and sexualities other than gay, straight, or bi can be excruciatingly difficult in an uninformed hetero-, cis-, and binary-normative culture, and it is unfair to posit any queer individual as responsible for educating non-queer people about queer issues. On the other hand, I fear that by telling others that I am bisexual rather than explaining the existence of non-binary genders, I am contributing to the erasure of people with non-binary genders in our society. Conveniently identifying as bisexual is a binary-gender privilege, and it’s easy for someone who identifies fully or primarily as man or woman, but impossible for a non-binary person to do without erasing their own existence.
The best solution is to find a balance between adopting bisexuality for convenience and explaining other multisexual identities to others. Thus, I insist on identifying as pansexual to people who I know will understand, even if it takes some additional explaining; when speaking to fellow queers, I always articulate that I am in no way bisexual, but pansexual or queer; whenever discussions about my identity and sexuality arise, whether with close friends or mere acquaintances, I explain pansexuality and non-binary gender identities; I take the time to explain these things to anyone who asks questions and/or seems curious about sexualities; and I make sure all my close friends, whether queer or hetero, understand that, although I am multisexual, I am not bi. However, I will adopt bisexuality when coming-out to acquaintances or casual friends who are unwilling to take the time to consider these concepts or simply don’t care to rethink the binary gender system or to really listen to what I am saying. In many ways, this isn’t so much for convenience as it is for comfort and even safety. Although multisexual people, especially multisexual people who do not identify as bi, are very marginalized in our society, they don’t face nearly the amount of oppression as non-binary gendered people. Thus, it frustrates me when people consistently identify as bisexual simply out of convenience, or when people continue to identify as bisexual even after being made aware of non-binary identities because they are unwilling to take the time to reconsider the language they use.
The best way to combat the erasure of non-binary identities promoted by the term “bisexual” is to adopt an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities.
Umbrella Term for Non-Monosexual Identities
There is a strong need for an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities. Bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, anthrosexual, pomosexual, queer, fluid, etc. people often face similar forms of discrimination both from the mainstream heterosexual culture and from within the queer community. However, people who are multisexual but not bisexual are often erased from the movement. This is especially true for non-binary multisexual people, who are unable to casually identify as bisexual without erasing their own identity, or individuals who are in relationships with or who have had relationships with non-binary folk or experience(d) attraction to non-binary folk. The use of “bisexual” as an umbrella term prevents these individuals from reaching out to their community, divides multisexual people, and promotes the erasure of non-binary gender identities both outside of and within the queer community.
All multisexual people experience both heterosexism and monosexism. Heterosexism is the belief that heterosexual identities are superior to queer sexualities. All queer folk are subject to heterosexism. Monosexism is the belief that monosexual orientations are superior to non-monosexual identities, and this form of discrimination is unique to multisexual people, and not monosexual (ie gay and/or lesbian) queer folk. Monosexism promotes the view that people with multisexual identities are confused or undecided, that their identity is invalid or "just a trend", that multisexual orientations don't really exist, that multisexual people are promiscuous, as well as a number of other stereotypes and misconceptions, and it leads to the refusal or hesitance of gay, lesbian, and straight folk from partnering with non-monosexual people. Many people call these forms of discrimination "biphobia". However, the term "biphobia" erases the existence of non-monosexual folk who are not bisexual and thus ignores the oppression and marginalization these people might face.
“Multisexual” should be used more often as an umbrella that unites all people who face monosexism. If this term were to become more mainstream, it would help combat the erasure of non-binary gender identities. I encourage all multisexual people and their allies to embrace this term: identify as "multisexual" to others, express solidarity with other multisexual folk, especially if you’re both multisexual, and use the term "multisexual" and "monosexism" in place of "bisexual" and "biphobia" (except in discussions pertaining specifically to bisexuality).
Edit: At the time that I wrote this post, I chose to promote the term "multisexual" because the term "polysexual" is often conflated with "polyamorous". However, since then, I've found that "polysexual" is actually a frequently used term among certain communities, and thus may be preferable to "multisexual" as an umbrella term. The two can also be interchangeable.
A few more thoughts...
Bisexuality Does Exist
I must clarify that bisexuality does not inherently discriminate against non-binary gender identities. Many people are, in reality, bisexual if they are attracted to binary-identified men and women, and not non-binary individuals. This is perfectly acceptable for those people that have thought it over and determined that this truly is their sexuality. There is nothing wrong with preferring binary to non-binary individuals (just as there is nothing wrong with preferring non-binary to binary individuals) as long as (1) the existence and legitimacy of non-binary gender identities is not ignored or questioned by the bisexual person, as this would be cisgenderism; (2) this person does not discriminate against binary trans people as potential partners, as this would be transphobia; and (3) this person does not “classify” sex partners based on birth sex assignment or genital configuration, as this would be cissexism. True bisexual individuals should carefully and fully consider all these things before completely embracing the identity. Another reason someone may identify as "bisexual" is because they are unfamiliar with the existence of gender identities other than "man" and "woman". Although it's highly concerning that the existence of non-binary individuals is invisible in our society, it's impossible to criticize the bisexual individual in question, because they never had any reason to rethink their identity. "Bisexual" is only problematic when it is used as an umbrella term for non-monosexual identities, and when it's adopted by non-monosexual binary-identified people that are not actually bisexual.
Edit: Since writing this post, I read a very good article that says that the identity "bisexual" can also apply to people who are attracted to two genders, such as "women and agender folk". While this is technically and linguistically true, I disagree that this term can actually be used in practice, because it will continue to be attributed to "men and women" sexualities, and thus will continue promoting the erasure of non-binary folk.
Just as bisexuality exists, so does biphobia. However, biphobia is a very specific form of discrimination faced by bisexual people (not other monosexual people). For example, someone recently told a friend of mine, who identifies very strongly as bisexual, "Don't you mean pansexual? Isn't that more politically correct?" This statement specifically discriminated against people who are bisexual, erasing the possibility that these people exist and putting into question the validity of their identity. I’ve noticed a trend among non-binary folk of hostility and rejection of bisexual people. Because non-binary people are a highly oppressed group, I think their caution is justified. However, I do ask that these people remain open to the existence of legitimate bisexuality, and treat bisexual people with respect.
What About Monosexual Identities?
One argument I’ve heard in response to my criticism of bisexuality goes something like “But don’t identities like ‘gay’ erase non-binary (and many binary) folk as well?” By saying that bisexuality erases non-binary gender identities, I am not putting individual identities in question. As I just discusses, I know bisexuality exists - and I know that monosexuality exists as well. Even monosexual people who do or have experienced attraction to or partner(ed) with someone with a gender other than the one they prefer may find value in identifying as gay, straight, or lesbian. Even monosexual people who may also identify as heteroflexible, homoflexible, fluid, or queer may find value in identifying as gay, straight, or lesbian. Individuals primarily attracted to a single gender, especially homosexual folk, find value in an identity and a community with similar experiences. The “bisexual” identity does not create the same type of community, however, and instead isolates non-bisexual multisexual people from the movement.
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